Life Update: 25425
To whomever reads this, thank you. I have been trying to write this for months now and I need to finally let this all out before I lose more of myself... How dramatic lol anyways in this blog, I’ll share updates on school, a situation I never thought I’d be in, and some new opportunities that make me feel hopeful. Again, thank you for taking the time to read my words.
With less than a month left of this spring semester, I have been reflecting a lot. I’m beyond grateful for the classes that I currently am in. I feel as if now my two majors are connecting more than ever. With creativity driving my activist pursuits in Asian American studies, as well as having my design classes focus more into cultural storytelling and introspection, I am beginning to feel confident for my future. I am honored to be able to intersect both of my identities to create a meaningful legacy as the inaugural Asian American studies major at SJSU along with my Design Studies, Graphic Design major. The hardest part lately was deciding which ceremony to walk in. I did my best to advocate for myself so I can walk in both; however in systems like this, the answer was no. I decided to walk for Asian American Studies to represent the importance of this newly established major (just last semester) and I will also be a part of other smaller ceremonies as well that focus on my cultural identity.
I do want to mention that I have so much appreciation for the people I’ve met in my graphic design classes at SJSU from the first classes that I took during Fall 2017 to now. All the failuress I’ve endured in this program were worth the connections I’ve made. I am in awe of the talented individuals you all are and thank you for continuing to inspire me. Also my fears of slipping and falling behind are here however I hope to overcome these challenges so I can meet the end. It’s scary and sad to see the end of this long journey that I’ve had but I need to wrap up my final years in undergrad. I've become more reflective recently, but I also feel like I’ve been at a standstill. I’ve been really overwhelmed with many aspects in my life alongside school. That’s been really affecting me physically and mentally.
I want to keep the section as short as I can. This is something so vulnerable to me as I have felt a lot of pain because of the situation. I got scammed. Essentially, I trusted someone who I shouldn’t have with information and now two accounts of mine from ~certain money transferring apps are in the negatives, unable for further use. I’ve done a lot of victim blaming upon myself for being naïve and gullible to think that I was actually doing good and helping people in need. It really has impacted me on top of all the grief I’ve been going through and for a lack of better words - sucks. I try to make it to the end of each day, but I just remember the situations that I’m in and it just hurts a lot. I’ve been holding this pain in for a long time now and I know I’ll never be the same. I can only hope that a year from now, I won’t still be fighting this battle. I want to share more of my story but at the moment my trust has been shattered and I don’t even know who would genuinely care to listen without judgement. Writing this alone took months of a mental battle in an attempt to document a traumatic experience.
Thank you for bearing with me. Now jumping into a positive note, I am excited to announce that I got another internship! I am very honored to be mentored by Dr. Kwan and so with her help I am now gaining mentorship by Juan Carlos and the Empire 7 studio team in Japantown San Jose. I am grateful to have this opportunity and I’m excited to see it through. I’ll be combining my passion for art and activism through understanding the impact of murals. I’m excited to learn fundamental business lessons and strategies in order to make work worth doing.
I’m also hoping to create time for different personal projects of mine but for now I must focus on school and work. I really enjoy taking photos, I hope to have a printed zine series, and I aim to finally release my first up-cycled collection. I know some of these things might not feel possible to do today, but I hope to continue to work on these this year. I’m excited for the next few months and the days leading up to my next birthday. I really want to travel more this summer. It’s also scary to think sometimes if I might not live that long, but I really want to. I just need to figure out a lot of things and also try to live life to the fullest but in the moment. Now at a loss for words, thank you again for reading this.